From the Odyssey: An Autistic's Experience With Casual Dating

Posted by sasha on 9 January 2021

Note: I posted this back in 2016

"You know we're just friends, right?"

The girl who I have been seeing for the last two weeks said that to me on a Monday night, at the beginning of October, while we were making out in the parking lot of a Dunkin' Donuts. She had been single for a few weeks and was also causally seeing another guy who lives closer by. The two of them go to the bar. I've been out of a relationship for almost two months at this point and was only seeing her.

I spilled the beans on being on the spectrum. Luckily for me, it didn't bother her at all. But it bothered me that she didn't get that I understand that there's nothing really serious between us. We hung out over Columbus Day weekend and it was awkward enough that I don't think I'll be hanging out with her again.

I acknowledged completely that we were just friends. At that point, I wasn't completely sure if I wanted to be in a long term relationship with her or just as friends-with-benefits. But I did have some feelings for her. Who wouldn't have feelings for someone you kissed, even if it was mostly raw chemistry? There had to have been something there and chemistry alone wasn't the answer. Looking back, it was probably just chemistry.

In future posts, I'll discuss the dynamics of dating on the autism spectrum. In the last two years I've gone from struggling at it to being pretty much a pro. One of the major components to that success is approaching it from a different attitude.

My question here is this: Can some autistic individuals handle the complexities of a casual relationship? Depending on the individual, very much so!

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