From the Odyssey: The Struggles Of Being A Late Bloomer

Posted by sasha on 9 January 2021

This is another re-post of something I wrote from the Odyssey Online.

I'm a late bloomer, but I shouldn't be ashamed.

The first time I had sex was when I was twenty-four years old. In my eyes, four years too late. For years, I wore my virginity as a badge of shame, a feeling that I was inadequate of having a sexual relationship, a reminder that I had not been in a relationship since college.

Earlier this week, I found a VICE article entitled The Cost of Losing Your Virginity Late and some of the things I've read in the article hit close to home. Gina Tron, the author of the article, does a great job of making her case, including her own personal anecdote.

"If a person feels like they missed out on this stage, they will chronically feel like something is missing. In some ways, making up for lost sexual opportunities is often part of a larger desire to 'feel whole' or feel complete. I've often heard something along the lines that the client feels like their life will feel incomplete if they don't go back in time and make up for lost sexual opportunities."

Since losing my virginity I feel more complete. I'm changed a little, and in a good way. The significant thing is that I no longer feel like an atypical human being, but someone who deals with everything else the rest of the world does. I don't feel like a pariah but as someone who is just another person.

However, in the last few months, I've learned that there's a double-edged sword to being a "late bloomer" from a sexual standpoint. For one, I held on to it for as long as I can. In my case, I don't really have an interest in making up for lost time. I'm more focused on the future.

As it turns out, I'm been learning lately that I'm far from the only person in my boat, which gives me comfort. Heck, one of the themes of the 2009 movie Adventureland is James Brennan's (Jesse Eisenberg) struggles to have sex for the first time.

Growing up is a journey, not a race, and instead of worrying about that journey, I should enjoy it. I've had some struggles in my life, but I've always worked through them. As for Tron's article, spot on. Sex is more enjoyable when you take numbers out of it.

For those who had sex before they became college age, have some compassion for your late bloomer peers.

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